Dev turns 5 on 20th Feb and it still feels like it was yesterday when I first got to know that I was going to become a mommy!!! It was a strange day on 20th Feb 2007 ... went to the hospital for one of my regular check-ups. The doctor told me to stay put at the hospital cos I was going to be delivering the same day. It was a mixed feeling of anxiety and happiness. Someone who has been a part of your body and soul for the last nine months was going to be in my arms ... I was finally going to be able to see my kid...and hold him / her .... Nothing can be compared to that moment .... ever!
He's been my only reason to live, at least, in the last 5 years .... and I have learnt a lot in the last 5 years too! Life for a mother is very difficult and as a single parent it becomes tougher. I struggled through my separation and divorce while Dev was just an infant. Its during that phase of life, that I realised, that being a parent doesn't give you the right to keep the kid. There is a law that dictates who is a good parent. Also, the law of the country favours the mother ... don't know if that is the right thing (another topic for another post)! Fortunately the custody discussion didn't go ugly and Dev didn't have to be torn between 'Who loves him more?' debates!
However, those years taught me a lot about my son .. that he is an individual. Not an object that can be owned... There are a lot of other people in his life, who love him equally if not more ... who would look after him as well as I would, if not better! It prepared me to let him go if that was the need of the hour and the law. Its the most excruciating pain a parent can go through, especially if s/he is the one who has bonded more and better with the child.
His father has his way of being with him and I had to come to terms with the fact that Dev will always need both of us. He made me aware that he has his own life to live and we have to make his life worthwhile for him, in whichever way we can.
Dev managed to convert the workaholic individual in me to a working mother. He taught me how to prioritise my tasks and my life. He brought the madness back in my life. Due to my brother's illness and more so after my brother passed away, I had forgotten to sing, to laugh, to dance and to be "normal" .... Dev got it all back! I am his joker, his favourites songs play list, his dance partner, his play partner and everything else that a child makes out of their parents.
He never gives up and has taught me to not give up on anyone I love! He learnt to be OK when I was travelling. He manages to stay happy when I am busy! He has made me a better person. He makes me a proud mom and helps me be a single parent with whatever little support he can offer. Dev has coped with just one parent being around. Children do adapt and adopt at a faster rate. Not sure if he will be able to manage it with so much ease even when he grows up. But I know if one keeps them away from the melodrama and the unwanted complications of failed relationships, they do grow up to be balanced people.
I have no expectations from him in terms of he looking after me when I grow old. If he can introduce me to his friends and chooses to spend a few days in a year with me, happily, I will be fine with it. I know that he and I will share a happy relationship when he is on his own. There are too many things that go wrong when we have a structured, predefined approach to life. Every child teaches you ten thousand new ways of not following that approach! I have learnt to be flexible and more accepting of human imperfections because of my son.
Thanks Dev for choosing me to be your mommy! You are the angel of my life and I love you more than my life. May God bless you with his choicest blessings!!
Happy Birthday Dev!
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