Hellos! Hope you guys have been good!
Is human race the only one to save and preserve carcass? We have this penchant of saving the remains! I am aware that there are wild animals who preserve dead animals when they hibernate or for ensuring they have continuous hidden food supply for reasons. National Geographic and Discovery keep educating us on them! And there have been programs/books on why mummification is done in Egypt or other countries and the rationale behind is well explained too.
However, here, I am referring to preserving other types of dead things, like the "notice period" is a classic example. Sometimes there are genuine reasons for keeping a person with the company for the entire notice period ... there may be essential handovers and true transitions from one to another. However, there are many cases, where the notice duration is just another honeymoon period for the employee. Its the best phase of his/her life. No accountability, salary coming in, no timings to be followed and there is no reason apart from fulfilling a company policy to keep him around.
And what happens when one leaves a dead body around? Unattended?? Unkempt?
Stinks, right? Spreads the unwanted, unasked for and most importantly difficult and time-consuming to clean up later!
The resigned employee may use this time to take the entire frustration out, use the company resources to network and look for better jobs, gossip worse than before, use the time to find loopholes in the system to even cause larger damage. And even if s/he wants to leave earlier, it cannot be done, because fear holds us back. Fear of not getting the relieving letter or experience letter, the full and final settlement may get played with, the next company will not accept the reasons behind missing letters, etc.
Sometimes, the relationship with an employee is dead without s/he resigning. You just know you don't want to be there or continue doing the stupidity you have been doing since some time. And yet, neither the employee moves nor does the company lets him!
And so we tolerate a "dead man walking"! And interestingly, fear works on the dead too! Happy "dirt" creation!
The same goes for relationships. Of any kind! Truer for love and marriages!
Two people who have loved and lived certain number of years together, cannot see eye to eye anymore. And have tried their best to resolve the relationship issues. What is 'tried their best' could differ from person to person, however, am presuming it means they have tried all options and alternates. Nothing has worked out. In such situations, what is the right thing to do? Live with a corpse, or move on? And moving on, never necessarily means to another person. It just means moving on from a current gloomy, constant condolence-paying atmosphere to a happier fresh state of mind. Each day an obituary gets written with new words and renewed vigour! Whats the point? Who are we trying to fool?
The only fools are the 'dead' in that relationship. Ah, and then the fear factor: fear of social status, fear of papa aur mummy kya bolengein, fear of office mein kya hoga, fear of losing money and most importantly fear of losing our so-called rights on our children (if you have some!). If its not a marriage and just a love affair, the fears are different. Its the scare of "will i find someone better, soon?". Is there another great guy / girl waiting for me? Will I succeed the next time? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my partner? Woh chaar log kya kahengein! Who are these chaar people! We don't even know their faces and they manage to create a blob of dark mass in our brains.
I know some who are cosy being dead! Comfort zone is a more sophisticated term. Living with a known devil, tolerating known nonsesnse and warmth of known shit is better than the fear of unknown. I call it mental and emotional impotence. Compromises and adjustments are the basis of all relationships. But, one needs to know and draw the line between that and slaughter. How long does one stay content or at peace as a dead wo/man? No feelings, no happiness, falsehood, living dual lives, creating a third world where people play hide and seek, its all short term and superbly detrimental to ones well being.
We do over-analysis of too many factors that probably won't even matter a few months down the line. Stop living a dead relationship, whether it is your job or your marriage or your relationship with your friends or a love affair. People change and so do circumstances. Stop creating a stink and stop breathing it too. There is nothing more important than living a life true to yourself. Your children learn from every step that you took or did not take. Your friends and colleagues watch and learn too. Your team members need a good example to follow.
Negotiate, if need be, to start living again. This is at least possible with your jobs. In personal relationships, it may work, if there is enough breath left in you to revive yourself. Every time you reclaim yourself, there will be a furore. And then the calm after the storm occurs too. Its all a cycle. Live it up!! And negotiations may not necessarily mean, separations or parting or leaving the scene or escapism or abandonment. There are better ways to deal with the situation. And there is a difference between negotiating a compromise and being asked to continuously die in a situation, in the name of adjustments.
One has to pay the price to be able to live. :). Whether you can afford to pay it or not, is an individual decision. AND, if you willingly choose to live a dead life, STOP CRIBBING about it. Don't blame it on the other or on the circumstances. We all have a choice and all choices have consequences.
If you have a problem, get up and fix it (Thanks Gurvinder, for teaching me this! Its not just a line, but a way of living!!).
I leave you today, with this thought - “To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go” - Mary Oliver
Wish you a very Happy Sunday! Live it to the fullest.
