Itching to write. The idle time got my braincells charging again. Sorry have stayed away too long from writing ... and I miss hearing from some of you.
Till death do us apart is a multi-part series. I don't intend to change the rules of marriage for anyone and neither am I here to send out marriage commandments. I only express my thoughts and also sometimes "speak on demand" and what I want to discuss today is loyalty / open marriages and relationships / friends with benefits etc.
What does being loyal mean in any relationship?
I think being exclusively committed to your partner in every way is loyalty, for me. And no, this is not the wrong or the right definition, its just what I believe in. And I have heard different versions of that. Some think that being emotionally loyal to the partner is "sufficient", one can be sexually involved with multiple people. In other words, "no strings attached" / friends with benefits etc. Some say as long as we go back home to the same partner each day, what I do outside shouldn't matter to anyone. There are a few who have deeper relationships outside marriage and continue to stay married for the sake of kids. And no these are not gender-specific. Both men and women today practise their "convenient" loyalties with their partners / spouse.
Questions -
# can someone ever be truly detached with a friend who is offering the benefits?
# Is it possible to stay totally detached from an office spouse on an emotional and mental level?
# Don't open relationships ask for too many compromises?
# Who decides and knows when someone has crossed that line and is cheating?
# Does one know what is going to be the effect of this self-declared loyalty on the partner or the spouse?
# What happens to the respect for each other in such relationships?
And then there are some genuine people who are loyal in every way to their partner/ spouse. Are they old-fashioned? Are they the odd ones out? Are they missing out on some fun, somewhere?
Flip side to this, if someone has genuinely fallen out of love or is in a dead marriage and wants to move on, the world including the spouse finds this strange. Why should my husband / wife move on and end the current marriage / relationship, when I am OK with him/her being "loyal" to me and having fun outside marriage? People in general are hugely underestimating the side effects of open relationships or polygamous behaviour. because there are pockets of people who have accepted the "selective" loyalty concept, men and women think its OK to be casually involved. However, there are some pockets yet, who believe in being monogamous and exclusively committed to the "one" person in their lives.
Promiscuous behaviour today gets pardoned in the name of acceptance of the "casual" concept. In fact, its surprising to note that a lot of people remain in a marriage and are constantly "forgiving" this for their partners.
A lot gets discussed about casual sex and how human beings were never supposed to be monogamous!!! It may work if both partners know, understand and accept everything about each others future expectations from the relationship or marriage. Past doesn't matter. But then are all things discussed? Does one anticipate everything about such things? If one of them is entering the relationship or the marriage without fully understanding the meaning of the word "open" (no pun intended), its a disaster in the making. Why get married if open relationship is the need of and for both involved? Live-in. Stay together for as long as it works out and move on gracefully when the openness of the relationship turns into a closed door. What happens to kids? Will the parents be able to give them the right perspective of things if they know about the multiple partners or the lifestyles of their parents? Mind you, nothing remains hidden forever, from anyone.
Friends with benefits - fabulous (maybe) between two single people. What happens if one is married or both are? Nowadays, if someone asks me "are we friends?" my answer usually is "yes, without benefits, please" :D. Its better to be safe than sorry - lol.
And then can someone tell me what is the new definition of "INFIDELITY" and "FRIENDSHIP" please? :)
