An Ode to my Dad .... (31 July 1940 to 09 Jan 2001)

Arjun Ramchand Mulwani

31 July 1940 to 09 Jan 2001

 

Civil Engineer by profession. A true Leo by nature. A doting and a strict Father.

Many ask me who is the Arjun in my name, now you know.

 

Started writing this in 2015 ... something wants me to complete it this year. And if my wish comes true, I will write a part two. Life is all about wanting to tell your stories to people. Here are some of me and my Dad.

His birthday is on 31 Jul and thought it would be nice to publish this ahead of that.

 

Keeping it simple ... just listing down some things that Dad knowingly / indirectly .... said. It left an impact, sometimes a lesson and often afterthoughts. Anecdotes will be included!!

Some I recollect as I age and a few make better sense now, as a parent. These may have been said by many parents in a different language, vocabulary and many other formats ... however I am sure it has its repeat value :)
 

Hope Dev gets to read this someday and gets to know an aspect of his Nanaji whom he could never meet.

 
1. Punctuality and hard work have no substitutes.

2. Most intelligent women, make foolish choices. Most highly intelligent and successful women have a very tough personal life.

3. To make a mark in a man's world, you don't need to dress up like one. He got me first pair of heels (yellow pencils), my first dress, my first watch, my first good pen! And he used to always say, a good outfit, a god pair of shoes, a good pen, a great watch, a good heart and fab brains is all you need in this world!

4. He taught me how to fly a kite and actually pull it down such that it landed in my hands each time. Once I let if fall on the terrace floor and he asked me why I let it go ... I said, "I already know how to get it down in my hands. So why do it every time? I have enough practice and i got bored too." He responded, perfection and excellence remain that only if consistently practiced. If you let it go, even one time, you ditch the skill. Don't ditch your skills and talents!!!

5. Be a man of your words.

6. Always carry a good pen, wear a nice watch, carry a clean handkerchief and good wallet. i follow all of this. Maybe gone overboard with the watch collection. Will need to write a separate will for them.

7. Blood relationships never miss a chance to express the list of obligations. Friends rarely do. Choose your partners along the path of life, carefully.

8. Never call yourself names even in your thoughts. You end up becoming that.

9. Always write your name clearly and legibly. That's the only thing you carry to your grave.

10. Never lose an opportunity to participate in an activity that you love to do. It teaches you something new about yourself each time.

11. Being happy while being alone is a blessing, if you know how to use that time.

12. Be kind to animals, they are the only ones who know how to return it and way more than what was given to them.

13. If you love music, you will never be lonely.

We used to listen to songs, ghazals together. He would make me write the lyrics and then we would sing. He would explain the meaning of some ghazals to me. We used to have the record albums and i don't remember a single day in the house where the songs weren't played. I have often woke up to his voice, singing beautifully early in the morning. Hemant Da and Talat Mehmood songs. How I wish I had recorded his voice. I miss it.

14. If you can draw, no place is boring. He could use both his hands at the same time to draw a free hand, equal sided drawing. I would bring home the journals of my school friends and we would divide the work between us to finish them over a couple of nights. He would never ever say No.

 

15. If you can write well, you will never struggle with communication.

16. My first salary was 700 rs a month. When I got my first salary way back in 1996, I was over the moon. He let me have fun for the first two days. Then he sat me down and asked me, if he didnt take a single rupee from me, how many months would i take to make my first lakh. I remember I froze. But it set my financial goals right. Over the years, I lost grip of things due to extremely difficult personal circumstances and limitations, but I am okay.

Saving the first lac is the toughest job, next is the first ten lacs, then is the 50 and then is the first cr. (May not be true today, but translate it to the current financial milestones as per its value).

17. Partition taught him how much boundaries can hurt ... and so we learned to celebrate and respect all religions. We always celebrate Christmas or Eid or Diwali or Guru Nanak Jayanti with same enthusiasm. We may not know all the rituals or the fine vocabulary of why they are celebrated, except general knowledge, however there for all festivities we do offer our prayers to our Gods and eat good food. :)

18. Expecting your children to look after you when you are old, is being vengeful. Earn enough respect, so that they end up being there for you when needed, not just financially.

19.He asked me many times, before marriage, why I wanted to get married. I always said, I don't know. He always asked, what I expected out of my partner, I always responded 'nothing in particular'. One day he told me, Stay single. Headstrong, independent women have it tough in personal relationships...Or then find a man who can handle you. Ah well ... someday! He's the guide and whenever I have refused to listen to what he has told me, I have regretted.

20. My first drink was with him when I was in my 9th standard. It was rum and thums up. Still remains my fav poison. Mum accidentally discovered my thums up was spiked and both of us had it. But then it became a normal thing for us. I used to make his drink once I was in college and until the time he gave me a chance to do it for him.

21. He was an empath, highly intuitive and had premonitions. And I have inherited it from him. We can sense every breath, understand body language, every eye movement makes sense to us and every nerve ticking in a human's body talks to us. We know it much before a close one's passing away, a birth, a transformation, a huge change that's about to happen and many such things that cannot be explained. He knew this about me and had told me, I will have a very very tough and a beautiful life ahead. I sure do!!!  I have with time worked too hard to not let other people's emotions (unless close circle) impact me, and yet I stand in my full vulnerable and emotional glory, pouring my heart onto paper. He could read every line on my face and knew exactly what was bothering me, including hunger. He knew before hand if i was going to get fever or if i was falling in love with someone.

Its not easy, but he holds my hand through all of this.

 

22. He used to love my friends. Would go out of his way to make them comfortable at home, if he was very fond of them. Many of my male friends would even come home for lunch etc when I was not at home and he would look after them.

 

There is probably not a single day when I have not thought about him. I miss him more on some days than other days! But such is life. All good people leave early. He passed away in my arms, cardiac arrest. I will always always be his strong daughter. That's how he brought me up and that's how he left me.

 

Many many more things to put down here .... But a part two will happen, shortly. Very soon :)